Alexandra Carmina

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Transformative Grief

Grief is a complex emotion that has a way of intertwining itself with all aspects of life. It finds its way into every smile, gesture, and expression, especially when I look at my son. The connection between my grief, and the presence of my son is something that weighs heavily on my heart; in the precious milestones, and moments of pure innocence, I see so much light and love… overshadowed by my grief. He is a living reminder of the love that once existed between his father and I. Every time he smiles or makes a certain gesture, it's as if a thread of connection is woven between the past and the present, between my grief and the beauty of life. Grief has reshaped my perspectives and priorities. I have found solace in the act of creating; something familiar to my emotions .. has taken on a new dimensional meaning in my life…engulfed in grief, numb and disconnected from the world. It's as if a thick fog has settled upon my heart, clouding the ability to truly experience life. In the midst of this darkness, I started painting nature, a process that has slowly brought me back to myself, piece by piece.

As I delve deeper into the process of capturing nature's magnificence, I realized that I was also rediscovering myself. Each stroke, each blend of colors, —a reflection of my inner world. Painting has allowed me to express emotions that words alone could not convey. Every painting is a journey to my true self, peeling away the layers of numbness and reconnecting me with the world around me. Reconnecting to the world;.. for my beautiful son and being present in his own journey through the loss of his dad. It is a process that continues to unfold, one painting at a time, as I navigate the complexities of grief and embrace the transformative power of art.

Life truly is an unpredictable and fascinating tapestry of happiness, growth, heartaches, and endings. Sometimes the weave takes us through paths we wouldn't choose for ourselves; only to discover our strength when faced with unthinkable pain.